Every gym has at least one. Yup, “that guy” or “that girl” that is continuing to annoy fellow gym goers all over the world. I was at the gym tonight running on the treadmill next to “that guy”, and decided this post is in order. If you don’t want to be “that guy” or “that girl”, and want people to actually interact with you at the gym and not avoid you at all costs, read on. It’s called etiquette…
Ten things NOT to do at the gym:
1. Drop your ego not the weights
If you can lift the weights tough guy, you can place them down. Yes, you loaded up some pretty big weights on the bar, but you don’t need to throw them through the floor when you’re done. We all see you crushing those dumbbells, we don’t need to hear them crashing onto the floor. Get a spotter if you must. We’re sorry Mommy didn’t pay enough attention to you growing up, but please, just simply place the weights on the floor. Mommy loves you
2. No farting
Do I really need to explain this? I’m still dry heaving from whoever that was at the gym last week. Go to the bathroom or outside. As if the gym doesn’t smell enough. And if you stink that bad you should probably go get checked out. Fart jokes are still cool though.
3. Keep your grunts to yourself
Yes tough guy that sure is a lot of weight. But, do we really need to hear you moan and groan from across the gym? The answer is no. Heavy breathing and a little grunt is one thing, but being on the verge of popping a vein huffing, puffing and grunting definitely makes you “that guy”. I’ve actually heard guys scream! I would say something to their face if they weren’t three times my size. Again, we’re all sorry you’re not getting any attention elsewhere, but save us the moaning and groaning.
4. Put some clothes on
Tank tops and shorts are totally fine. Showing off the guns is not a big deal. Spandex are even cool for women, BUT NOT MEN. Guys should not be wearing mini thongs with their butt cheeks hanging out with a tank top made of floss. Yes, unfortunately I’ve seen this way too many times. We’re all glad you’re in love with yourself, but we’re not in love with you. If it’s barely acceptable at the beach, it’s not cool for the gym. Get some clothes on for crying out loud. Workout nude in the privacy of your own home, just not at a gym.
5. Get off your phone
It’s not 1989 anymore when it was actually rare for someone to have a cell phone. Yes you have the latest iphone and you’re very happy about it. Yes you can multitask by doing the eliptical and talking to Suzy about how Michelle cheated on Johnny with his cousin’s sister. But for the record, we don’t care, and really, either should you. If you do need to use the phone, take it outside. No one wants to hear about the latest episode of Orange County Housewives. This goes double if you’re one of those loud obnoxious people with a laugh that Rosie Perez would think is annoying.
6. It’s the gym, not prom
This one actually comes from several of our lady fans on our Facebook page, and I totally agree. While we do want you to wear clothes (see rule 4), it’s not the prom so it shouldn’t take you more time to get ready for the gym than the actual time you will spend working out there. No makeup, no getting your hair did, no smelly perfume (girls and guys) and definitely no jeans or g-strings (especially the guys!). Coming from a guy’s perspective, a girl in dirty sweats and a ball cap who is working out is way more attractive than some wannabe cougar all done up. Good call ladies!
7. Good sweat, now wipe it off
It’s common courtesy to wipe down the machines after you use them. Nobody wants what you have. That includes your sweat, bacteria, germs, staph infections, etc. To the guy at the gym who told me all I’m doing is wiping off salt and sweat… WRONG, and I’d rather not take the chance.
8. Yes that’s you
Yes that is you in the mirror. There are plenty off big and pretty mirrors in gyms. While you may think that they are there for you to stare at yourself and flex, they’re not. It’s OK to take a glance at the guns once in awhile, sure, everyone does. But to practice for Mr. Universe with your poses… Dude your totally “that guy”. Get a full length mirror for your room and have at it.
9. No not THAT one
If there are 4 open treadmills or bikes to my left and right, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU HOP ON THE ONE RIGHT NEXT TO ME!?!?!? WHY? You’re obviously the same person that talks to me nose-to-nose and has no clue about personal space. Look, I picked the one over there because no one is near me, and until the gym gets packed let’s keep it that way.
10. Towel please
I’ve pretty much given up on the idea that old guys will someday actually use a towel in the locker room. I actually have a theory as to explain why old guys often don’t use towels in the locker room. It’s basically they don’t care. Us younger guys are just insecure. When I get old and cranky I won’t care what some young punk thinks either. I’ll actually enjoy annoying the young bucks… More on that later. BUT I do ask, if you’re going to strike up a naked conversation with me… Please, keep your legs off the bench and don’t be drying or touching yourself in any way. I repeat, in anyway. If you’re a fan of The Office, think of Michael Scott (that’s what she said) coming to your desk and throwing his foot up on it. haha! It’s hilarious for us to watch at home, but now put that naked guy in front of you in the gym. NOT FUNNY! Towel up cowboy.